“The hardest thing in the world is to have compassion for those who have no compassion.”
Tony McAleer makes this statement during an interview with Sojourners (August 2018). McAleer is one of the founders of Life After Hate, a non-profit with the mission to inspire people “to a place of compassion and forgiveness, for themselves and for all people.”
McAleer knows first-hand about “those who have no compassion.” He is a former member of a hate group who used his words to incite others to violence. Compassion invited him to leave that life for a life of forgiveness and compassion. McAleer now assists those who want to leave hate groups.
I don’t know what it’s like to be a member of a hate group. I do know what it’s like to feel disgust towards those who do promote violence towards others and who promulgate discriminatory practices. I judge. I do what I criticize in others. I think in terms of labels (jerk, idiot, and worse). I make the short hop from criticizing the action to criticizing the person. Then there is one more short hop to labeling the person.
When I label someone jerk, idiot, or worse, I demean that person. I am not showing compassion. We can get into criticizing actions vs. criticizing people at another time. But for these few paragraphs, what about “showing compassion”? Why is that important?
We are to have compassion, show compassion because God requires it of us. Jesus doesn’t hand out a “Pass Go” card when we bump up against someone with whose politics, attitudes, or behaviors we disagree. Jesus says, “Love your neighbors as yourself.” Jesus says, “Love your enemies.”
When I eek out even a smidgen of compassion, I back off the judgment. It’s difficult (impossible?) to hold compassion and judgment simultaneously. I begin to allow that the other person might just be doing the best he or she can. That best may not match up to my standards. It may not even be the right thing by God’s standards. But that’s between God and the other person. My responsibility is to do my best. And most days, that job is already more than I can handle.
Showing a little compassion challenges me to hold up the mirror to myself. I begin to ask, “Where have I been unfair to someone? Where have I hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally?” The only person I can change is me, so better to spend energy on changing my behaviors and attitudes than anguishing over behaviors I can’t change.
Finally, showing compassion begins to draft a different story. Why contribute to the dark narrative that I deplore? Dwelling on what I deem are someone else’s unjust, unfair, or even cruel behaviors only gives that ugliness more air time.
There are more and deeper reasons why it’s important to show compassion on those who have no compassion, or who do not show compassion. But for just for today, maybe these are enough reasons.